Dream Talks 2.0

If you haven't read my last post entitled Dream Talks, the basis of this event put to fruition by April Tioseco Bellia And William Oliver is as follows:

DreamTalks is similar to TedTalks, but focused on Entrepreneurship, Wellness, and Spirituality. They are bringing an exciting and uplifting event to entrepreneurs around the world, starting in Vancouver... their mission is to give entrepreneurs a platform to share their dream with the world, and the support to bring that dream to life.

This Dream Talks was much different than Dream Talks 1.0, I was lucky enough to have my brand new baby girl to be a part of this one, the first one I was pregnant with Marcella.  I was fortunate enough to be present for 3/4 of Dream Talks 2.0, the other 1/4 was spent being present with my Dream Girl.  

What I relearned September 25th, 2015 was something I have always planned to teach to my baby girl:  Anything you can dream is possible.  
Tapping in to the heart level is the key to happiness.  

Our society is so good at trying to get us to forget that our hearts and souls matter the most.  We have a tendency to interact on more of an intellectual level than we do the heart level.  Who knows more about politics, the news, this or that seems to take over a conversation rather than connecting with those that are like minded or with similar energy and positivity.  We get nervous to discuss our dreams with others out of fear of judgement.  I will be teaching my daughter the exact opposite of this.  

Just like in Jacky Yenga's house she will know this: DANCING IS A WAY OF LIFE. MUSIC IS A WAY OF LIFE.  SINGING.  AND ART.  We will dance, play music, come together to celebrate with song and dance.  Her dad will play the guitar, I will bang the drum, she can learn how to do all of these, I will relearn how to play my cello, she can have that cello if she chooses she wants to play.  We will wear tutus, tap shoes, and tip toe like pixies.  She will spread her wings like a butterfly to get wherever she needs to go.  Ingo Loge reminded me of how beautiful butterflies are and how they represent change, growth, and beauty.  

There were SO MANY reminders of how to embrace our inner child and our hearts.  The constant theme that resonated most with me was the dance, movement, music.  And as per her usual high energy and positivity, Tree (Theresa Walsh) graced the stage with her high energy GROOVE session.  The Dance!! We smiled, we grooved, we jumped, we cleared chakras, but most of all we came together  without walls up, without our hearts guarded and with arms wide open to the space and bodies ready to dance!!!! 

The dancing continued with the ever so energetic Emerson Lim.  What an awesome break in the day to experience his Ecstatic Yoga Dance.  Everyone again was up and out of their seats to yoga-dance to the music.  It is so awesome to get a different perspective on yoga through upbeat, happy, and energetic music.  Arms in the air, feeds off the ground, smiles all around!!!!! How could you not want to move? 

Ashley Wiles of SOLE girls reminded us some amazing advice:
    We need to live the life of our dreams!!!
    This is part of our purpose. 
    How have we done this?
    How can we share this?
    How have you come through all crap you have been through?
Really learn to take a step back and sit with yourself and ask these very important questions.  We must be present to understand these simple questions.  As best pointed out by Udo Erasmus: The only time we really feel taken care of and living our truth is when we are present.  The disconnect is what is causing the problems. . . When our awareness goes "out" we lose our connection from within. . . We must work from the heart level, our hearts are thirsty for this.  

Most of all our hearts are thirsty for our truths! Our passions! And DREAMS! Talk about your dreams and you will be amazed at what will manifest!!!

Reflections of a Momma to Be. . .

Momma to Be. . . .

If you met me a year ago there would be some similarities to who you would be meeting today.  I would definitely not look the same.  Our conversation would be very different.  And for sure I’m mentally and emotionally very different.  Life is ever changing realistically and we can either update along with those changes or get stuck in our old patterns and "ways." I have always chosen to update.  So here we are well over a year later and this is what I can share to date.  

The last 8 months of my life have been all about learning how to LET GO all over again.  And when I say LET GO, it’s more than just one form of letting go.

Mentally: I had to let go of other people’s STUFF.  I have had to learn how to let go of what other’s think.  I have had to learn how to let go of what other people will say or how they will react.  I have had to let go of fear.  And I have had to learn how to let go of something I have known for a good 30 plus years. . . . my body!

As a dancer, dance instructor and pilates instructor, that is something difficult to do, knowing all the "what if's" that will happen on my insides and outsides.  Books can scare the bejesus out us, and as women we have this concept of what beauty looks like based on a warped sense of reality put out there by magazines, Facebook posts, selfless, and so much more. It is toxic the information that we are spoon fed over time and how it really creeps up on us in such a vulnerable time in our lives.  All of a sudden we have known our bodies for 30 plus years as they are, mine literally has looked the same I feel like forever. . .  we literally only can control the food we put it in this body during pregnancy and hope for the best.  We just pray that we don't get stretch marks because those won't look good in our bikinis anymore and our man may get a wandering eye, or our boobs will get saggy after breast feeding and then our perky boobs will be no more and that again may lead our man to a wandering eye.  Even better!!!!! The whole peeing your pants thing. . . WOW.  That is a scary one! Pelvic Floor muscles really get tested during pregnancy.  My scary "ah ha" pelvic floor moment was when I was trying to get away with wearing regular jeans still and I was brushing my teeth.  While I was leaning over the bathroom sink with my just about too tight jeans on and the pressure of the button against my belly and my belly leaning over the edge of the sink I found myself about to cough and there was that moment. . . Uh oh, did I just??? Wait. . . Nope I didn't I caught it, but that was a close call!!!! 

If there is any advice I can give to those who have not carried a baby yet in their beautiful belly work on those muscles WAY BEFORE ever getting pregnant! I'm telling you that will save you in so many ways during pregnancy.  You literally have to learn in a very fast amount of time how to allow yourself to let go of what was and step into the present reality of a changing body, a changing mindset, and a changing heart.  

I’m on the biggest journey I have ever been on.  The biggest ADVENTURE as I call it!!!!

From the moment I found out I had the opportunity to be a mother I felt so fortunate.  It is something I have wanted for what feels like forever.  And now it is here.  And you will hear this from EVERYONE: there is no perfect time to have a baby.  Really, there isn’t.  You know when it is right.  And this is right for me, for sure.

There will always be stress: What about my business? What about my job? What about money? What about the cat? What about the insurance, and the next 20 years? Yeah. . . Well. . . . BILLIONS have done it with far less and have done it without books and have done it without a partner and have done it far from “home.”

Home is where the heart is my friends.  My heart is with me, my partner and this baby and that is where our home will be.  For now the physical structure of a house is downtown Vancouver, but the heart that equals home is the group of us. . .

It is so true about the village effect.  It takes a village to raise a child.  Its not just a mom and dad you know.  I was so fortunate to have a village!!! My neighbours, my aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins, friends, teachers, above all my mom and dad and my sister, but they needed support too and that’s what the village is for.  So as we near the birth of this precious little angel that chose us I find myself being pulled in the direction of where I have felt the village the most.  Although at times the village sometimes feels like it is not in this city at all. . . . . 

Coming from Long Island, NY where my family still resides and I have a sister with 2 boys of her own, I feel this huge push to figure out a way to get closer, to get back that way, to make sure we are all a part of this life together, rather than just touching base on the phone once a week or twice a week, where we only physically see each other in person twice a year.  That is clearly not enough.  

And then the next fear sinks in. . . . . What will one do for work? medical insurance? working visas? YADA YADA YADA. . . .

Gosh we can make ourselves literally go CRAZY!!!!!

On a daily basis I decide to take a deep breath, have some quiet time, and reflect on how I have gotten through all the other slightly heavy moments in life.  The best way I know how is through movement.  So I dance! I sway.  I rock.  I roll.  I circle my hips through space.  I stretch.  I focus on my insides and feel my way through.  I breathe.  I move.  I unleash.  This beautiful little being inside of me moves with me.  This has by far been so amazing to feel the baby's movement and how it is similar to mine and how it differs from mine.  What music the baby reacts to and what hands and food.  This little angel is going to be aware and I look forward to watching her intentions, intuition, and dreams develop.  I can only imagine the amount of love that will come as soon as this baby is born.  

Authenticity. . . . Who's got it?

A little something I have been thinking of lately, Authenticity.  This is absolutely authentic, and I appreciate the reminder to be true to myself, my philosophies, my teachings, my learnings, my instincts, but most of all, my passions.

I am a dancer through and through, followed by a being a teacher and a healer.  I know now how to communicate through my body, my mind, my soul, and especially my words.  I teach what I teach because I am passionate about sharing what I know, what I feel, and what I've experienced.

I have been noticing lately that I may be surrounded in certain areas with others who may not be as authentic as they once were portraying and it is rather heart breaking.  So with this new chapter of mine coming up where a few things need to be put on hold for a couple months, I can only hope that those who have given me their word, their bond live up to their end of the deal. . . . . I can only hope that what I was working for and towards will continue when it is time for me to be back in the classroom.  I know that there will be a lot of evolution while I am attending to my wee baby, but I also want to remind myself and others that just because this chapter of mommy hood is upon us, do not let other's stories get in your way, other's heart ache, other's opinions or doubts, or fears come between you and what you know you are capable of.

Deep down inside we know what is right and what is wrong.
Deep down inside we know what our strengths are and what our weaknesses are.
Deep down inside we know if we are hurting someone's feelings, heart, or soul.
Deep down inside we just know. . . . . . .

A Gift From The Sea

Good morning! Snuck out of the house super early before class since the Lululemon sea wheeze run was hollering by my bedroom window. Wanted to make sure I got out before my street got too kray kray. The sweetest traffic control lady at my driveway who screeched with excitement at my basketball round belly went straight in to how lovely the morning had been with all the runners coming by. Then as we stood there and talked I saw not 1 but 2 pregnant women walking it out for this sea wheeze. So cool!!!! She told me about her 4 babies. Shared her excitement for me to be a momma. How fun I seemed and then she said she would allow me to turn left so I could get a move on. And now I am taking in a morning of chilling with my muffin, decaf latte, and this book! One of my favourite reads and reminders of life, women, change and growth. It's like referring back to your notes on life. It's never the same really, just like life. You have to keep updating and growing and learning. If not, your insides don't actually feel so good and your brain never shuts up. LOL

SO FROM MY COLLECTION TO YOU!!!! A gift from the sea. Pick it up. It will take you literally 2 hours tops to read.

Faith. Trust. And Pixie Dust.

There are people in the world who share their kindness with the expectation of receiving something in return.  The best way to look at this Kindness thing is to just do it because. . . Not because someone is going to give you something back, but because you know it was right to just do what you felt was kind.  I am a giver, a healer, a teacher, and yes a performer.  With this comes the fact that I give my energy to helping others feel good, feel peace, feel restored, why? Because I love when I go to a class and the instructor has me feeling that way, when I am surrounded by like minded believers that leaves me feeling at peace, when I walk away from a performance that gives me the chills and moves me from deep within I want to share this feeling and help others feel this same deep within feeling.  

With this comes the fact that you may not always receive what you give or what you put in.  When this happens it is hard to not feel a little pain that those you thought were of a like mind may not be on the same page.  And that is ok.  For the most part these people in our lives are a reminder that you don't always get back what you give, but it shouldn't matter because this is something they are going through and you can't take that on.  At some point the good will come back to you.  It will show up when you least likely expect it.  And that is what is important.  Don't change who you are and what you believe in because of someone else's insecurities, pain, or disconnection.  

Kindness. . . Be patient with the kindness you give.  

Oh? New beginnings on the horizon?

With tonight wrapping up dance classes until January 2016, I realize that my baby will be arriving soon.  Instead of counting the weeks upward we now count down the weeks and we are in single digits!!! Amazing how fast time can go, yet how it doesn't feel like it has gone all that fast.  I truly have embraced this journey, and will continue until baby arrives.  I have allowed myself to feel this baby grow, to feel my body change, to feel myself grow into a mom to be, and soon I will be a full time mom.  CRAZY TALK.  The clothes are washed and put in the dresser, clothes are hung in her little closet, bassinet ready for sleeping, and glider is waiting for baby to rock to sleep in.  Dad is waiting patiently, yet excitedly and ready to snuggle baby.  As I feel baby moving about in here I realize I'm also really excited to meet this little wee one with little toes and fingers, and face.  Happy Days!!!!

Motherhood pending. . .

Today was a good day.
And this week is a week of endings and new beginnings.
I finish up my dance classes Thursday night in preparation for a new chapter:
Motherhood.
I will return in January in this chapter and those of you who have taken my dance classes know that you are all always a part of the journey.  Whether I fully tell you or not, you always know through the songs I choose, through the choreography I create, and through the energy I project.
My Pilates classes are the same.  I have learned an entire new way of moving this body, what it can and can't do, although I like to push the boundaries a little bit because I'm not sick or anything, I'm growing a baby.  That means I am very much ALIVE.  Moving forward you will reap the benefits of me relearning my body, getting to know a new body, and soon figuring out the healing process of this body.
Most of all I have learned how to LISTEN TO THIS BODY!!!!!
AS some of my classes quietly come to an end until a later date and time, I say good night ll of you.  And remember, life is not always about what you can hold on to, it is about what you can let go of.  This allows you to feel FREEDOM.  BE FREE.

Dream Talks 1.0

A month ago I had the privilege of being a guest at this Beautifully amazing event called DREAM TALKS 1.0 here in Vancouver.  My insides were so excited to be in a room filled with like minded people and entrepreneurs.  I woke up buzzing, got my sundress on, comfy walking flip flops, a wee bit of sunblock for the warm sun while I walked from my house on Beach Ave down Hornby to the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver.

What is Dream Talks you ask?
DreamTalks is similar to TedTalks, but focused on Entrepreneurship, Wellness, and Spirituality. They are bringing an exciting and uplifting event to entrepreneurs around the world, starting in Vancouver... their mission is to give entrepreneurs a platform to share their dream with the world, and the support to bring that dream to life.

Who is Dream Talks for?
DreamTalks is for next level thought leaders, visionaries, luminaries, game-changers, and leading edge social entrepreneurs who are on a mission to raise consciousness around the world and build the world of our dreams.

Why attend?
DreamTalks is where you'll meet and connect with other like-minded entrepreneurs, luminaries, and visionaries who are focused on creating the biggest impact on humanity. Everyone is aligned with the purpose of uplifting and inspiring humanity. These are your people.


April Tioseco Bellia comes from quite the array of professional skills: Connectionism, Entrepreneurship, Intuition, Leadership, Networking, Personal development, Self-employment, Speaker, and Tea Time.  Just to name a few. . . one of her first endeavours was Granola Girl: Inspired by some sweet and pouchy friends, April shifted her focus from cake baking to natural health food.  She created a granola that was both good for the taste buds and for the soul.  Her friends and family were hooked instantly.  One called her "the Granola Girl," and the brand was born.  

This the shifted into yet another dream: "SERENDIPITY TEA PARTY"
Serendipity: The are of finding the wonderfully unexpected. 
What We Do: Fun, heart-based networking tea partied for conscious entrepreneurs. 
"Because we often feel isolated as entrepreneurs, I wanted to create a support system of local business owners no matter what stage of business you are in.  Also, it is my vision to expand our community of beautiful, talented, conscious and heart-centered friends.  This experience is a reunion of our soul family.  We simply just get it." April, Founder

From Tea it turned into Dream talks 1.0 with the help of her new partner in crime: William Oliver of ARAZAS who's visions and dreams seemed to align quite nicely with April's visions and dreams.  ARAZAS is more than just a company... it's a way of life. It exists to bring people's dreams to life.  ARAZAS believes that EVERYONE in the world has a dream and that it is those dreams that will change the world. 

Having spent much of my time working from my dreams and turning those dreams in to a reality I get why this event was such a perfect fit for me and why it resonated so well.  There were so many familiar faces in one space.  From Healers, to Intuitive healers, to Readers and Intuitive readers, to photographers, Naturopaths, writers, Yogis, Dancers, and teachers.  

The common theme throughout each speakers time on stage was: LEGACY.  What is our LEGACY? As a group of entrepreneurs that work more from their intuition and dreams rather than the normal status quo it is our duty to really put more thought in to our LEGACY.  We thrive from being present, open minded, and happy.  Something we need to do is take a step back and ask ourselves is: What is our message? As stated very simply by Heather Pennell, photographer, "it's not about the medium, the website or the clothing we where, it is about the message."  

Another stand out speech was Mike Zaremba of Float House.  Similar message about LEGACY and what messages we are putting out there, but more on technology and where that is leading us.  We have spent so much time trying to keep up with the times so to speak we have lost that interpersonal connection.  This whole social media world has really sucked us in to updating websites on a regular basis, hashtags, instagram accounts, Facebook accounts. twitter accounts, Linkedin, and so many more I still have yet to learn and hear about that we have lost our knack for eye contact, face to face conversations, and phone calls.  Many of us are from the Pre Internet world and now we are part of the Post Internet world.  Perfectly put by Mike, "We need to choose in accordance with this knowledge.  How much of ourselves are we incorporating the internet with and is it what we are aligned with? Our generation is the turning point for our future with the internet and our survival."  

A little light shed more on this technology bubble by Sandra Garcia, Conscious Public relations!!! What an incredible question: Do you remember the first words you ever said? Probably not.  Interesting isn't it? We learn how to read and write but we forget the gift of language that has been passed down from generation to generation long before we ever actually go to school to learn.  It's taken for granted and we really need to take a step back and develop a sense of gratitude towards it.  The wellness of the world depends on our contributions, again, what is the message you would want to share on you tube if all the people in the world could see it?

Dustin Hahn pointed something very important out while speaking about his success with starting his own business at the age of 20 and then being able to retire at 27, which, by the way is incredible! Chasing his dreams of success didn't necessarily end with a fire works display though, still feeling empty he wondered what was missing.  Then reality hits you smack in the face in a forever life changing moment. . . . Getting caught in an avalanche overnight taught him more than any book or written exam could.  It wasn't the success of his work and business he found himself thinking about, it was wondering who he was never going to see again.  In that moment he decided it was time to be PRESENT.  In life we have this tendency to just shuffle from here to there to here. . . . What about the 90% of life in the middle that actually is where we are living?

As pointed out by Alexina Metha, naturopath and Goddess Gathering Facilitator,  When we look outside ourselves for the answers and expect those answers to come from an outside source we miss the most important discusser. . . Listening to ourselves! We already know what we need, we ignore it.  The answers are always within ourselves.  Larry Li nailed this one as well, we must take notice of the patterns and conditions that don't serve us, making the choice to create the change within.  The world is an expression of ourselves.  Take the responsibility of your ownself.  Update yourself to see the change.  

This event brought together people who do what they love on a regular basis.  And not just to do it but as their business.  I have come to terms with this realization long ago and so has my dear friend Tree, Theresa Walsh.  We love to dance!!! And dancing is exactly what every single person at Dream Talks did June 11th.   It was an amazing movement throughout the space and boy did we GROOVE.  What an incredible amount of energy, smiles and joy it stirred up, which would not have been an easy task without the help of our beautiful dancing sister Jacky Enssombe from Cameroon!!! This beautiful women said it straight up, We are all from the same family, we are not just connecting from the mind, we connect from the dance.  

ONE NESS, thank you Taylor Conroy, Change Heroes, for this recap for the beautiful day that was created through April's dream and William's encouragement.  Getting rid of separation can lead to everyone recognizing the beauty we are surrounded by, but not only our surroundings, our own beauty.  Our own intuition.  Our dreams.  By recognizing the message and legacy we want to create and leave behind, we are creating a world that is more present.  We are here because we are going to look after humanity.  It's our job! We have hope! 

Coming soon to a venue near you, in Vancouver. . . Dream Talks, September 25, 2015, Hotel Vancouver.  You don't want to miss this epic sequel.  

Just a little behind. . . . But I'm me and ready for it.

I have spent some time thinking, over thinking and thinking some more on the perfect blog post to put together here.  And then I started questioning myself about all the different ideas that were coming up and if what I wanted to share was good enough. . . . And then I realized today that I was thinking way too much instead of allowing it to just flow.  I have been so lucky to teach this little tid bit to my dance classes and pilates classes and here I am, Thinking away. . . .

So now that we are done with that thinking thing, here is what I wanted to say to begin with:

Very rarely do we give ourselves the chance to listen to ourselves.  I mean truly listen.  We think we are listening, but seriously, have you ever turned the tv off, the music off, the lap top off, the cell phone off to hear what is actually going on inside our minds? Our souls? Our hearts? Probably not nearly as much as we need to. . . . .

I can honestly say I thought I was doing that just because I was teaching others how to do it within my classes.  Heck no!!!! That's not how I should be finding myself and what I really want.  That was just a small piece of it.  I needed to sit with myself and hear what my heart especially was trying to say.  I didn't make the toughest decision of my life to just sort of get to the bottom of my soul.  I had to truly be in silence.  I had to turn off the devices, turn off that annoying voice inside my head that doubts and gets scared and gets all worked up that my process is not fast enough, or not good enough.

Once you can allow yourself the time and space to actually listen the pieces start to show up.  And you have to constantly listen to them, and constantly work through the little demons in your head telling you otherwise.  Just like my little voice from the above paragraph, why after all this hard work did I start to doubt that I was exactly where I needed to be? There is always space to grow and evolve even more and that will come.  But I have the utmost faith that I am exactly where I am supposed to be after the effort I have put in to healing myself, listening to myself, and loving myself.  Once you truly love yourself and love you for who you are, not what you want others to love you for then you are truly free.

I LOVE MYSELF. . . . probably 3 of the hardest words to say, but to be honest I couldn't imagine a better time than now to bring my baby in to my world, into this world.  I truly believe this baby has been waiting for just the right time to make an appearance in the flesh.  And I am ready to embrace this baby and teach Baby all I have learned and hope they can be tools to grow with and evolve with over my baby's life time.

I'm coming "home". . . . .

When you grow up with views like this, summers with pictures that are taken like this, family with boats like these, friends with boats like these, and sunsets like this it is hard to live someplace that doesn't have the similar views, boats, sunsets and vibe.

I have never lived right at the beach, in front of the beach or on a street with the word Beach as part of the street title until November 2013.

I put it out there to the universe a few years back while in a coaching session that I wanted to have a place where I could work from home, that was on the beach, with a view from my window.  After I got to Africa and back the next vision became true and off I went to Beach Ave! How fitting the street title is Beach Ave!!!! I started doing more from home on my lap top with blogging, writing, social media related things, in the summer I taught Beach Pilates.  Now I a year and half later I am still here, have taught more classes this year from home will pick up with Beach Ave pilates upon my return from visiting my home town on Long Island in New York.  And I get to add having a baby to that.  Also a part of that same goal from a few years back.

So this blog I dedicate to following through on dreams, goals and aspirations.  I dedicate it also to staying true to your roots, your instincts, your inner you.  My inner me always brings me back to the beach.  And the beach is where I grew up.  It is what moulded me from a very young age and where I found my happiness, inspiration, and joy.

Here I come Long Island! Along with my partner and baby to be.  We introduce this little wee one to the place that gives both myself and my partner our zen, grounding, and joy.

Momma to Be. . . .

If you met me a year ago there would be some similarities to who you would be meeting today, June 3, 2015.  I would definitely not look the same.  Our conversation would be very different.  And for sure I'm mentally and emotionally very different.

The last 6 months of my life have been all about learning how to LET GO all over again.  And when I say LET GO, it's more than just one form of letting go.

Mentally: I had to let go of other people's STUFF.  I have had to learn how to let go of what other's think.  I have had to learn how to let go of what other people will say or how they will react.  I have had to let go of fear.  And I have had to learn how to let go of something I have known for a good 30 plus years. . . . my body!

I'm on the biggest journey I have ever been on.  The biggest ADVENTURE as I call it!!!!

From the moment I found out I had the opportunity to be a mother I felt so fortunate.  It is something I have wanted for what feels like forever.  And now it is here.  And you will hear this from EVERYONE: there is no perfect time to have a baby.  Really, there isn't.  You know when it is right.  And this is right for me, for sure.

There will always be stress: What about my business? What about my job? What about money? What about the cat? What about the insurance, and the next 20 years? Yeah. . . Well. . . . BILLIONS have done it with far less and have done it without books and have done it without a partner and have done it far from "home."

Home is where the heart is my friends.  My heart is with me, my partner and this baby and that is where our home will be.  For now the physical structure of a house is downtown Vancouver, but that is soon to change.  So the physical structure of a house may be in North Vancouver, but the heart that equals home is the group of us. . .

It is so true about the village effect.  It takes a village to raise a child.  Its not just a mom and dad you know.  I was so fortunate to have a village!!! My neighbours, my aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins, friends, teachers, above all my mom and dad and my sister, but they needed support too and that's what the village is for.  So as we search for a new structure I find myself being pulled in the direction of where I have felt the village the most.  Although at times the village sometimes feels like it is not in this city at all. . . . . And then the next fear sinks in. . . . . What will one do for work? medical insurance? working visas? YADA YADA YADA. . . .

Gosh we can make ourselves literally go CRAZY!!!!!

So, tonight, I decide to take a deep breath, have some quiet time, and reflect on how I have gotten through all the other slightly heavy moments in life.

Inhale through the nose and exhale out the mouth. . . . .

Risking It All. . .

From experience I can tell you this:  The best things have come in my life simply because I took a chance to make a change, that is our choice.  It's our choice to make the changes needed to gain insight,  to see progress, to simply feel and acknowledge that it is within our power to create our most authentic self and life.

Every action we take has a risk.  Driving your car every day to work, getting on the bus, subway, sky train, sea bus, your bike.  This simple task of you getting to your place of work is a HUGE risk every day of your life, to get that pay check that secures you the food you will eat for a week, for a day, or even that lunch break.  Accidents happen every day, yet we are totally fine with getting behind the wheel of our car where we may feel we are a good driver, but what about all the other people out there on the road?????? Hmmmm.  Something to think about.  You can take that HUGE risk of trusting others on a highway not to run you off the road, but you can't trust yourself to know when something you are doing has to change?

So tomorrow when you wake up and have your coffee then get in your car to go to your work think about all the other things you know need updating that you are so afraid to take a leap of faith on, remember you have already taken a HUGE leap of faith just by getting in the car, wouldn't it feel so amazing to take a leap of faith in changing your life for the better from your inside out by listening to yourself and make the change you need to change your life for the better? Maybe its actually taking yourself to that cross fit class you have been freaking out about, maybe it's that Pilates or Yoga or Dance class.  Maybe it's just simply calling that person you haven't talked to in a couple years and you are scared they won't answer.  Just try. . . .. Worst that can happen is you will have to try again.  

I have risked A LOT in my time here on earth.  There was a time I was told and seen as having the picture perfect life.  And it was perfect on the outside looking in.  But on the inside living that life, that other version of me, it was the most un-alive I have ever felt.  WHY you ask? Because it wasn't my authentic self.  I was struggling to be seen and heard on so many levels.

When you hear me speak of my journey thus far, my SAFARI, it was no easy road.  Yes, road blocks.  Yes, bumps.  Yes, trials.  Yes, errors.  Yes, break downs.  Yes, tests.  Yes, heart ache.  Yes, sacrifice.  But without those how can you really appreciate the good things,  the amazing things, the beautiful people that come into your life, the new opportunities? It is with great pain that one can and will rise from the depths of despair to create a new.

I woke up one day literally in a dining room of things I was putting away into what some would say every woman's dream space. . . . China cabinet of china and stem wear and flat wear.  (Pst. . . . stem wear = crystal wine glasses or champagne flutes, flat wear = Silver Wear, china = beautifully decorated plates, bowls, tea cups and saucers)  Crying, I realized I had no idea who I was, where I was, and why my insides only in that moment woke up and started to feel sad.  They literally WOKE UP and felt sad.   What the heck was happening??? Yeah, I had gone crazy somewhere in there and didn't know how to get out.  My insides were so far gone I could only think of one solution and that was to remove my TOXIC and CRAZY self from that.  I was making those living around me sick as well.  The cat threw up almost every day.  The dog was misbehaving and not well.  My husband was not happy and I was taking everyone down with me.  I literally left with my suitcase of clothes and shoes and had no where to go except from couch to couch for a month until I could save enough money for a month's rent.  I have gone from having everything and anything to no house, to renting a place where I had to make sure I had room mates so rent was made, where I was able to start putting my visions in to play, where I was able to heal, meditate, wake up, slowly become whole while along the way breaking someone's heart that was so dear to me, but I had to become whole again and wake the heck up!!!! When I was able to save and create my Africa goal he was there to support and I definitely said what I needed to say but it was too late.  So the risk I took to heal, become whole and get Karen back worked, but I knew all along that no matter how long it took I needed to be ok with whatever outcome would come.  I have gained so much insight, so much to share and give to others, but you have to know that every risk comes with some loss.  And you can grieve for some time, but know you are ok, you will reach the wholeness you need, want and deserve.

Say Something. . . . .

I have been dancing ALL my life.  Literally.  And it took me a long time to figure out how to ACTUALLY use my voice.  To be honest, I was under the impression that using my voice meant having to speak.  And I was so nervous about public speaking, speaking in to a microphone, talking out of turn.  When in fact, I actually have been using my voice for a LONG TIME.  I have been sharing my INNER VOICE, MY SOUL, and MY HEART forever.  Through my dance.  Finally, I put the pieces together.  Using your voice isn't just about speaking what's on your mind, sometimes it is more powerful through your passion. . . . For some of us it is dancing, for some it is painting or drawing or singing or an instrument, and for some it is actually speaking out loud.

This dance was performed February 1st 2014. . . . 3 months after my return from Kenya where I spent 2 months obtaining a goal I spent a year a half preparing for. . . . Africa.  Kenya.  Contributing.  Sustainability.  Dancing.  Passion.  Giving.  Healing.  Listening.  Being.  This song has a message we all can relate to.  SAY SOMETHING.  Mostly before it is too late.

I may have waited too long to say I still love you, or I'm sorry, or I was literally going crazy, or I miss you, but I know I said something way before any of those things. . . . My message wasn't heard, it wasn't felt, and it went unnoticed for far too long until it went so silent I actually felt dead on the inside while I was actually still fully breathing, looking like I was a live and portraying the outer shell of someone that "seemed" happy and had the perfect life. . . . .

SAY SOMETHING. . . . .

Day 1 to Happiness!!!!

I am going to share some of the best kept hidden secrets with you. . . . Although they aren’t actually hidden, they just seem to be things we can do to be happy that we ignore.  Once you stop ignoring these 15 life changing tactics, you will see the smile and inner happiness you have been missing.

This is my special daily treat to you!!!!!

DAY 1 TO HAPPY: LISTEN TO YOUR INNER CRITIC.

What, Why? Well this little “gremlin” or “nag”, whatever name you have given that mostly annoying voice inside your head that talks down to you, talks crap, says you suck, that you try to ignore is actually a strength that is dialled up too high.  At some point this little voice served its purpose to keep you safe, but as an adult you no longer need it.

Instead of ignoring it, notice it when it tries to speak, what is it actually saying? What fear is it bringing to light? What do other parts of you have to say in response? Bring it all to the surface.

Happy people allow each voice in their head to have a turn to speak: the angel, the devil and everything in between.

From chapter to chapter. . . . . An adventure. . . . This is where it started!

Messages:

How often do we say or tell someone "Yes, everything happens for a reason?" or "It's like someone is trying to tell me something?"

Chances are this is actually what is happening. . . 

I speak from my personal story at this point in time because that is what I know.  When a decision needs to be made to change your life in some way, shape or form these MESSAGES get louder and louder and more apparent.  Have you ever noticed that when you didn't listen to the message something went wrong? Maybe it is as simple as a flat tire, a parking ticket, you've rear ended someone at a stop light, your car got towed, anxiety, stomach ulcer, or you got shingles.  It is amazing what the body will put itself through in order for you to understand the messages that are being thrown at it.  It is amazing what the universe throws at you in order for you to understand the messages being thrown in your face.  Literally they are being thrown in your face.  We can only take so many messages before we break down and have no choice but to deal with it right then and there.  

What you need to ask yourself is can you see that there is a message staring you right in the face waiting to be answered? Can you let yourself be open enough to notice it when it comes up or are you "brushing it under the carpet?" We are very good at brushing it under the carpet, and when the carpet gets too bumpy from having so much shoved under it you are going to fall off those bumps and that's when "the carpet has been pulled from under your feet."  We know these sayings and these quotes because they are said many times by people around us who have experienced it or have seen it with someone else.  These sayings weren't made up out of no where. . . It has happened to almost everyone in this world at least once and if not once than a thousand times.  

How many times are we willing to let it happen to ourselves or someone we know and love before we all start listening?

After living literally "inside" my head and mind for a year my head exploded with shingles! I had no choice but to listen to what I thought the message was.  I was in it whether I wanted to be or not, I could not move from my "sick bed" for a month.  I wish I had more energy to have been able to meditate through that experience but I could barely get myself to the bathroom without falling down.  There was so much internal thinking going on in my left brain which is often said to be more logical, analytical and objective, while the right brain is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful and subjective, that the my body could not take it anymore and that stress caused me to get very, very sick. I have always been "right brained", but at this point in my life I was ignoring those "right brained" tendencies because I was so scared of the messages they were bringing me.  CHANGE!! that was the message.  I was not comfortable with this message because I was trying to live out the story that seemed so picture perfect.  

Have you ever noticed that the "stories" we create are never actually Our True and Full story? They are the story we have created by listening to other people's stories, parent's stories, other adults in our lives who have all lived and created a similar story and we feel like that was successful for them so if we take those same steps to create a similar story we will be successful as well.  Finish High School and go to College/University.  Get the diploma and then get a job as close to your major or what your major was and get that job with benefits.  Get that job with a retirement plan.  Find a partner.  When that partner is your serious partner get engaged.  Get married.  Get that house you've always wanted.  Have those babies.  Do these steps sound familiar? 

Know this: these steps are not wrong at all, but have you ever thought about changing them up? Perhaps you had the babies first.  Perhaps you had such an amazing job you didn't want to leave and you didn't go to College/University.  What we need to remember is that just because someone else's steps or process worked for them doesn't mean they will work for us.  We have to find our own steps.  And those steps will change, you have to be prepared in life to know that things change, and when I think of change I remember this quote that one of my lovely and beautiful lady's wears on her t shirt to my dance class on a regular basis: "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change." Charles Darwin 

What you need to know is that I didn't take Shingles the way it was meant to be taken. . . Because I had no one else to take care of me but my mother in law, father in law and my husband who was working full time at the time, I spent the month thinking I was supposed to say in the life I was living , the change that was going to happen was something else. . . . rather than me listening to my inner self knowing the truth.  All of the people around me are beautiful people, good people, and caring people.  But there was still so much missing for me and "My life" that I was still unhappy.  I worked very hard on making my body healthy while working at lulu lemon, from personal training, to running, to yoga, and me teaching Pilates and Dance.  I was in the best shape of my life, so I thought.  And in a month of being bed ridden it was all gone faster than it took to get there.  I didn't spend enough time making my mind healthy or my soul healthy.  One of the hardest things in the world is trying to get ourselves to a place of BALANCE.  This brings up the famous 3 words that go along with balance: MIND, BODY, SOUL.  We all strive for this to some degree.  We have to be willing to throw ourselves in to it in order to achieve it fully.  This is why having these 3 things together is a life style choice, it is not just a 30 day challenge, a new year's resolution, or a once a week activity.  We need to look at the bigger picture, which is maintaining what we are given at birth: this beautiful body that can create so much from within.  We just have to give ourselves the opportunity to create, grow, and be whole.  

Allow me to introduce myself. . .

I was born and raised on Long Island in New York. I was definitely creative from the time I could start walking and talking and my imagination was definitely where I spent my time as a child. From creating dances on the front lawn with the neighbour kids to painting with finger paints and whatever paint brush I could find to helping my dad who was a woodshop teacher in the garage building things for the house to drawing dresses I always wanted to design with my own fashion line. It is who I am, I am an artist through and through. For a long time I didn't know how to get my story across with words, dancing was and is how I tell stories and it allows the audience and whomever is watching to feel through my soul the happiness and the heart ache it has left behind or created. It was tough to keep this art as my way of being in a society that portrays success through money, material things, and appearance. I knew in my heart and in my soul I had to stay true to me as hard as it would be, by believing in my path regardless of failure I have been able to accomplish some really awesome and amazing things!!!!

I have been dancing for the past 33 years, teaching for the past 20 years and performing. With a BFA in Dance Performance from East Carolina University, I have had the opportunity to perform for various artists such as Mia Michaels, Jay Norman, Marjon Van Grunsven, Tomi Galaska, Mary Carbonaro, Peter Grey Terhune Presents on the Regal Princess and Crown Princess Cruise ships, Madora, and other local artists. I am a STOTT certified Pilates instructor. I have also studied with Lynn Simonson, Mary Carbonaro, Katiti King, Diane McCarthy, and Andrea Downie, all Simonson certified instructors. I am a Simonson certified Dance instructor as well as CI Training certified instructor.