Risking It All. . .

From experience I can tell you this:  The best things have come in my life simply because I took a chance to make a change, that is our choice.  It's our choice to make the changes needed to gain insight,  to see progress, to simply feel and acknowledge that it is within our power to create our most authentic self and life.

Every action we take has a risk.  Driving your car every day to work, getting on the bus, subway, sky train, sea bus, your bike.  This simple task of you getting to your place of work is a HUGE risk every day of your life, to get that pay check that secures you the food you will eat for a week, for a day, or even that lunch break.  Accidents happen every day, yet we are totally fine with getting behind the wheel of our car where we may feel we are a good driver, but what about all the other people out there on the road?????? Hmmmm.  Something to think about.  You can take that HUGE risk of trusting others on a highway not to run you off the road, but you can't trust yourself to know when something you are doing has to change?

So tomorrow when you wake up and have your coffee then get in your car to go to your work think about all the other things you know need updating that you are so afraid to take a leap of faith on, remember you have already taken a HUGE leap of faith just by getting in the car, wouldn't it feel so amazing to take a leap of faith in changing your life for the better from your inside out by listening to yourself and make the change you need to change your life for the better? Maybe its actually taking yourself to that cross fit class you have been freaking out about, maybe it's that Pilates or Yoga or Dance class.  Maybe it's just simply calling that person you haven't talked to in a couple years and you are scared they won't answer.  Just try. . . .. Worst that can happen is you will have to try again.  

I have risked A LOT in my time here on earth.  There was a time I was told and seen as having the picture perfect life.  And it was perfect on the outside looking in.  But on the inside living that life, that other version of me, it was the most un-alive I have ever felt.  WHY you ask? Because it wasn't my authentic self.  I was struggling to be seen and heard on so many levels.

When you hear me speak of my journey thus far, my SAFARI, it was no easy road.  Yes, road blocks.  Yes, bumps.  Yes, trials.  Yes, errors.  Yes, break downs.  Yes, tests.  Yes, heart ache.  Yes, sacrifice.  But without those how can you really appreciate the good things,  the amazing things, the beautiful people that come into your life, the new opportunities? It is with great pain that one can and will rise from the depths of despair to create a new.

I woke up one day literally in a dining room of things I was putting away into what some would say every woman's dream space. . . . China cabinet of china and stem wear and flat wear.  (Pst. . . . stem wear = crystal wine glasses or champagne flutes, flat wear = Silver Wear, china = beautifully decorated plates, bowls, tea cups and saucers)  Crying, I realized I had no idea who I was, where I was, and why my insides only in that moment woke up and started to feel sad.  They literally WOKE UP and felt sad.   What the heck was happening??? Yeah, I had gone crazy somewhere in there and didn't know how to get out.  My insides were so far gone I could only think of one solution and that was to remove my TOXIC and CRAZY self from that.  I was making those living around me sick as well.  The cat threw up almost every day.  The dog was misbehaving and not well.  My husband was not happy and I was taking everyone down with me.  I literally left with my suitcase of clothes and shoes and had no where to go except from couch to couch for a month until I could save enough money for a month's rent.  I have gone from having everything and anything to no house, to renting a place where I had to make sure I had room mates so rent was made, where I was able to start putting my visions in to play, where I was able to heal, meditate, wake up, slowly become whole while along the way breaking someone's heart that was so dear to me, but I had to become whole again and wake the heck up!!!! When I was able to save and create my Africa goal he was there to support and I definitely said what I needed to say but it was too late.  So the risk I took to heal, become whole and get Karen back worked, but I knew all along that no matter how long it took I needed to be ok with whatever outcome would come.  I have gained so much insight, so much to share and give to others, but you have to know that every risk comes with some loss.  And you can grieve for some time, but know you are ok, you will reach the wholeness you need, want and deserve.

Say Something. . . . .

I have been dancing ALL my life.  Literally.  And it took me a long time to figure out how to ACTUALLY use my voice.  To be honest, I was under the impression that using my voice meant having to speak.  And I was so nervous about public speaking, speaking in to a microphone, talking out of turn.  When in fact, I actually have been using my voice for a LONG TIME.  I have been sharing my INNER VOICE, MY SOUL, and MY HEART forever.  Through my dance.  Finally, I put the pieces together.  Using your voice isn't just about speaking what's on your mind, sometimes it is more powerful through your passion. . . . For some of us it is dancing, for some it is painting or drawing or singing or an instrument, and for some it is actually speaking out loud.

This dance was performed February 1st 2014. . . . 3 months after my return from Kenya where I spent 2 months obtaining a goal I spent a year a half preparing for. . . . Africa.  Kenya.  Contributing.  Sustainability.  Dancing.  Passion.  Giving.  Healing.  Listening.  Being.  This song has a message we all can relate to.  SAY SOMETHING.  Mostly before it is too late.

I may have waited too long to say I still love you, or I'm sorry, or I was literally going crazy, or I miss you, but I know I said something way before any of those things. . . . My message wasn't heard, it wasn't felt, and it went unnoticed for far too long until it went so silent I actually felt dead on the inside while I was actually still fully breathing, looking like I was a live and portraying the outer shell of someone that "seemed" happy and had the perfect life. . . . .

SAY SOMETHING. . . . .

Day 1 to Happiness!!!!

I am going to share some of the best kept hidden secrets with you. . . . Although they aren’t actually hidden, they just seem to be things we can do to be happy that we ignore.  Once you stop ignoring these 15 life changing tactics, you will see the smile and inner happiness you have been missing.

This is my special daily treat to you!!!!!

DAY 1 TO HAPPY: LISTEN TO YOUR INNER CRITIC.

What, Why? Well this little “gremlin” or “nag”, whatever name you have given that mostly annoying voice inside your head that talks down to you, talks crap, says you suck, that you try to ignore is actually a strength that is dialled up too high.  At some point this little voice served its purpose to keep you safe, but as an adult you no longer need it.

Instead of ignoring it, notice it when it tries to speak, what is it actually saying? What fear is it bringing to light? What do other parts of you have to say in response? Bring it all to the surface.

Happy people allow each voice in their head to have a turn to speak: the angel, the devil and everything in between.

From chapter to chapter. . . . . An adventure. . . . This is where it started!

Messages:

How often do we say or tell someone "Yes, everything happens for a reason?" or "It's like someone is trying to tell me something?"

Chances are this is actually what is happening. . . 

I speak from my personal story at this point in time because that is what I know.  When a decision needs to be made to change your life in some way, shape or form these MESSAGES get louder and louder and more apparent.  Have you ever noticed that when you didn't listen to the message something went wrong? Maybe it is as simple as a flat tire, a parking ticket, you've rear ended someone at a stop light, your car got towed, anxiety, stomach ulcer, or you got shingles.  It is amazing what the body will put itself through in order for you to understand the messages that are being thrown at it.  It is amazing what the universe throws at you in order for you to understand the messages being thrown in your face.  Literally they are being thrown in your face.  We can only take so many messages before we break down and have no choice but to deal with it right then and there.  

What you need to ask yourself is can you see that there is a message staring you right in the face waiting to be answered? Can you let yourself be open enough to notice it when it comes up or are you "brushing it under the carpet?" We are very good at brushing it under the carpet, and when the carpet gets too bumpy from having so much shoved under it you are going to fall off those bumps and that's when "the carpet has been pulled from under your feet."  We know these sayings and these quotes because they are said many times by people around us who have experienced it or have seen it with someone else.  These sayings weren't made up out of no where. . . It has happened to almost everyone in this world at least once and if not once than a thousand times.  

How many times are we willing to let it happen to ourselves or someone we know and love before we all start listening?

After living literally "inside" my head and mind for a year my head exploded with shingles! I had no choice but to listen to what I thought the message was.  I was in it whether I wanted to be or not, I could not move from my "sick bed" for a month.  I wish I had more energy to have been able to meditate through that experience but I could barely get myself to the bathroom without falling down.  There was so much internal thinking going on in my left brain which is often said to be more logical, analytical and objective, while the right brain is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful and subjective, that the my body could not take it anymore and that stress caused me to get very, very sick. I have always been "right brained", but at this point in my life I was ignoring those "right brained" tendencies because I was so scared of the messages they were bringing me.  CHANGE!! that was the message.  I was not comfortable with this message because I was trying to live out the story that seemed so picture perfect.  

Have you ever noticed that the "stories" we create are never actually Our True and Full story? They are the story we have created by listening to other people's stories, parent's stories, other adults in our lives who have all lived and created a similar story and we feel like that was successful for them so if we take those same steps to create a similar story we will be successful as well.  Finish High School and go to College/University.  Get the diploma and then get a job as close to your major or what your major was and get that job with benefits.  Get that job with a retirement plan.  Find a partner.  When that partner is your serious partner get engaged.  Get married.  Get that house you've always wanted.  Have those babies.  Do these steps sound familiar? 

Know this: these steps are not wrong at all, but have you ever thought about changing them up? Perhaps you had the babies first.  Perhaps you had such an amazing job you didn't want to leave and you didn't go to College/University.  What we need to remember is that just because someone else's steps or process worked for them doesn't mean they will work for us.  We have to find our own steps.  And those steps will change, you have to be prepared in life to know that things change, and when I think of change I remember this quote that one of my lovely and beautiful lady's wears on her t shirt to my dance class on a regular basis: "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change." Charles Darwin 

What you need to know is that I didn't take Shingles the way it was meant to be taken. . . Because I had no one else to take care of me but my mother in law, father in law and my husband who was working full time at the time, I spent the month thinking I was supposed to say in the life I was living , the change that was going to happen was something else. . . . rather than me listening to my inner self knowing the truth.  All of the people around me are beautiful people, good people, and caring people.  But there was still so much missing for me and "My life" that I was still unhappy.  I worked very hard on making my body healthy while working at lulu lemon, from personal training, to running, to yoga, and me teaching Pilates and Dance.  I was in the best shape of my life, so I thought.  And in a month of being bed ridden it was all gone faster than it took to get there.  I didn't spend enough time making my mind healthy or my soul healthy.  One of the hardest things in the world is trying to get ourselves to a place of BALANCE.  This brings up the famous 3 words that go along with balance: MIND, BODY, SOUL.  We all strive for this to some degree.  We have to be willing to throw ourselves in to it in order to achieve it fully.  This is why having these 3 things together is a life style choice, it is not just a 30 day challenge, a new year's resolution, or a once a week activity.  We need to look at the bigger picture, which is maintaining what we are given at birth: this beautiful body that can create so much from within.  We just have to give ourselves the opportunity to create, grow, and be whole.  

Allow me to introduce myself. . .

I was born and raised on Long Island in New York. I was definitely creative from the time I could start walking and talking and my imagination was definitely where I spent my time as a child. From creating dances on the front lawn with the neighbour kids to painting with finger paints and whatever paint brush I could find to helping my dad who was a woodshop teacher in the garage building things for the house to drawing dresses I always wanted to design with my own fashion line. It is who I am, I am an artist through and through. For a long time I didn't know how to get my story across with words, dancing was and is how I tell stories and it allows the audience and whomever is watching to feel through my soul the happiness and the heart ache it has left behind or created. It was tough to keep this art as my way of being in a society that portrays success through money, material things, and appearance. I knew in my heart and in my soul I had to stay true to me as hard as it would be, by believing in my path regardless of failure I have been able to accomplish some really awesome and amazing things!!!!

I have been dancing for the past 33 years, teaching for the past 20 years and performing. With a BFA in Dance Performance from East Carolina University, I have had the opportunity to perform for various artists such as Mia Michaels, Jay Norman, Marjon Van Grunsven, Tomi Galaska, Mary Carbonaro, Peter Grey Terhune Presents on the Regal Princess and Crown Princess Cruise ships, Madora, and other local artists. I am a STOTT certified Pilates instructor. I have also studied with Lynn Simonson, Mary Carbonaro, Katiti King, Diane McCarthy, and Andrea Downie, all Simonson certified instructors. I am a Simonson certified Dance instructor as well as CI Training certified instructor.